Unspeakable Goodbye
by V. Vichi L
Summary: She moved her feet away from there, left the ashes on the ground that used to be the picture of a person she loved the most. Her eyes reddened of tears that never dropped. DARK


**Disclaimer: Never be mine.**

**Rated: K+  
**

**Genre: Angst/Tragedy**

**Summary: **She moved her feet away from there, left the ashes on the ground that used to be the picture of a person she loved the most. Her eyes reddened of tears that never dropped. [DARK]

**Author's Note: This story is a DARK, and if you don't like that, click Back and you'll have fun. Oh yeah, and this is my first HA! fic, and first English fic. So, please forgive me if I had a lot of grammatical errors. :P  
**

**Unspeakable Goodbye**

**Written by V. Vichi L.**

"_A broken heart is like a broken mirror. It is better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it."_

- Anonymous

* * *

She was ready to walk away. She had waved her hands to her parents and her sister. She admitted, she was a bit sad to leave them. There will be no freak father, drunken mother, and too perfect sister again in the future. She hated to admit, but deep down, she knew, that she would miss them. But it's her life; she deserved to make it goes through her own way. She needed to make the things better, to fix herself, to break the wall she'd been built for years, to defeat her fears, to freed her soul. She needed to enjoy the world in the clouds she always wanted to go to. She didn't want a mask again, she didn't want to pretend again. She wanted the real. She wanted her real self. So, she walked away from her house, lifted her bags, and thinking, that she would only miss them.

In the other house, she hugged her best friend sadly. She whispered some words to cheer her best friend up. She didn't cry; she vowed to herself that she would never cry in this little town of Hillwood. She vowed to herself, that she would only cry after she left. This town was still her past, so she'd let the past in past.

She told her best friend that she'd back, that she'd never leave this town forever. But, she asked herself, would she make it? Would she really come back? She herself didn't even know though.

She said all her thanks, all her feelings, all her love for her best friend. She said that there would never be someone so meaningful for her except her best friend. She didn't want to lose her only friend, she loved her so much. Always. Maybe in the past she always treated her like dirt, and let her know that she was none other than a little servant. But, no one would know, that she loved her best friend so much.

She lifted her bags, ready but hesitantly to leave her best friend. She didn't know what would it be without her. But she must do it, she promised. And yes, she waved to her after said the very last goodbye, and gone.

She passed through her old school. It's been seven years since her last time in that P.S. II8. She sighed, watching it carefully. There were so many memories in this school. She sniffled slowly, but didn't drop any tears. She stood still there, without doing anything. She remembered the first time she walked to the school. No one cared; her parents and her _lovely _sister were in home—she didn't want to remember again. She was walking through the rain; muddy and wet. But there was a boy, with a blue umbrella. His bright green eyes were shining when he said those things to her… She escaped a sad sigh. It's hard to forget those memories because she didn't want to forget them. She will actually miss her friends (if they're her friends). She will miss her title as a bully, a meanest little girl in the preschool. She will miss it, to tease people with her own jokes.

She walked again, left her heart in the school.

A broken smile chiseled her pale lips when a memory flashed in her mind. She remembered when she was in a French restaurant, doing those crazy things. Disguised herself as a French little girl, as her beloved's pen pal. She would never forget that memory. She remembered to packing the red shoe she wore eleven years ago; it was really meaningful for her, because it was one of her stuffs that reminded her about her loved one.

The sky was darkened, and the sun almost gone. She looked up; the birds were flying to their own home. But she was the opposite who flew away from her own home. It was her decision; she had thought about it for a long time. She knew it was for her best, she must do it. It wasn't meant that she did those things just because of her broken love life. No, she just didn't want to be a coward who hid her truly self behind a rough mask. She didn't want to be a lover who never was. She didn't want to stop her life because she had lost the most important person in her life. She did want to go on. She must go on, no matter what had happened in her past. She couldn't ended her life now, she had to survive.

She sighed heavily as she took another steps from her hometown. She just… needed this. She needed this badly. She didn't care if it was wrong, because she had her choice. And she chose to escape her life from her past and go on.

She closed her eyes painfully. The hole in her heart was about to open again when she saw this—little building, boarding house in front of her.

Sunset Arms…

She bowed, felt the urge to scream in frustration. She knelt on the ground, she didn't even know why she did that. She wanted to cry her heart out, she wanted to ended the pain she had felt for years. But she had her vow, so she just buried her face in her hands, trembling violently, feeling awfully hurt. The wound she had forgotten was growing bigger. The imaginations she had buried was rising up again. Her body trembled uncontrollably. She took her locket angrily. She stared at it for a while before she made it broken with her own fist. But the picture in it hadn't broken, she narrowed her eyes. She watched the picture—a single tears dropped on it. She rubbed her eyes hurriedly. What the hell am I crying for? she asked herself. Then she sighed. It was old picture; she kept it for a long fifteen years but she had never have the person in the picture—it was too impossible. She took a match from her pocket and burnt the picture slowly. She watched the fire in sorrow, the hole in her heart just grew bigger and bigger. The handsome person in the picture, with half-lidded eyes and grin was changed into the black ashes and smoke in the autumn air. It was enough for her to get a _wonderful _wound again.

She looked at her now bloody fist, and smiled madly. She then looked at the sky, and found no stars. She didn't need any stars, or moon. She didn't even need the sun. She didn't need tomorrow, she just wanted to make the goodbye time eternal. She didn't want to face the smiling sun when her heart broken. She wanted to embrace this painful time in her arms, hug it tightly. She wanted to feel some sorrowful air to breath. She wanted to keep imagining her past times and hope to never wake up. She needed this pain badly, just to make her heart break and break until it broke into uncountable pieces. She loved it if her heart sink ever since. She loved to feel the sorrow and the darkness in her eyes. She loved to feel emptiness in her mind. She loved to feel hopeless. And those habits grew ever since. She just really needed them like Miriam needed smoothie badly.

After a couple of minutes passed by, she decided to stand up hesitantly. She couldn't think the right and the wrong again, she was taken over by her broken life. They were making her more frustrated. She moved her feet away from there, left the ashes on the ground that used to be the picture of a person she loved the most. Her eyes reddened of tears that never dropped.

She sighed heavily before turned her head to face the building again; she could only miss it. Miss them. Miss him.

Then she took her steps quickly; trying hard to erase the thoughts of the wonderful boy she had loved. They had together since they were three. They had their memories together… she shook her head. She didn't want to spend her last time in this town in vain of thinking of him, because she knew she had never stolen his heart. He's not for her. Although she had needed and loved him badly, with all her heart, the Fate didn't think so and made their way in separate. He with his own life and she with her own life. She was tired to buried her love. For fifteen years, for goodness' sake. And what did she get? All in vain. Nothing. He never love her, he wouldn't. The memory of this thoughts of him raced in her mind. She shook her head violently, tried to shooed the thought just like she shooed a fly around her head. But that moment, one of her thoughts, was flashing back like a movie.

* * *

It was a dark Saturday, in the middle of July. They were there. He asked her for dinner at the French restaurant she always remembered, Chez Paris. Everything went as planned… until she, by accident, removed her ponytail—made her hair down, touched her mid-back. She didn't realize the problem at first, but when he stared at her with wide eyes and mouth agape, she asked.

"Why are you lookin' at me like that? Take a picture, Football Head. It'll last longer."

His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "It's just like déjà vu. I think this is ever happened, you know, in _past_."

She frowned. Then he caressed her blond hair softly, half-lidded eyes. She then noticed something: she never let her hair down in front HIM!

"You look beautiful, Helga. I think I _never_ saw your hair down like this."

She was taken aback, her eyes widened in horror. She stood up, ready to go and run. But he grabbed her arm, pulled her, and exited the restaurant. He brought her to the corner, behind the tree—a dark one. Her heart beat fast and her back sweaty. He placed his hands between her side, trapped her. She was frightened—when he asked her questions.

"Allo, Cecile," he whispered. Her heart skipped a beat. He KNEW. "Is she you, Helga?"

She couldn't hide. She couldn't pretend. She couldn't answer. But he took this as yes.

"Now, what do you feel about me?" He narrowed his eyes.

"I… I…" She was trapped. Should she tell him the truth and going to die? No. "What are you talking about? Who's Cecile?"

"I'm talking about your feeling for me. And Cecile was—_is_ none other than you yourself, am I wrong?" He sighed. "Didn't you catch that? I repeat, what DO you FEEL about ME?"

"I-I don't understa—"

"Liar," he hissed coolly. "You can't lie to me again, Helga. You've always told me lies. And now, I want to hear the truth. What Do YOU FEEL about ME?"

"Nothing."

"Helga…"

"I said NOTHING!" she shouted, tears was burning in her deep blue eyes. But he didn't buy this.

"Again, Helga, AGAIN! You always lie to me, you always pretend and hide yourself, you always build your wall so no one can see ya! And I don't wanna hear—"

"What do you want from me?" she sniffled slowly, forced the tears to not to fall.

"Tell me. Just… tell me okay?"

"I don't need anything to te—"

"Helga!"

"Okay I LOVE you! I've always LOVED you since I laid eyes on you! So WHAT?!"

"You… You love me?"

She nodded slowly. Tears falling through her cheeks. She didn't ready for this, she knew she would have the rejection. She knew it obviously. Her sob was getting uncontrollable as he made no reply. It hurt her so much—she couldn't even find her voice.

"But why—? I mean… why—me?"

"Why so surprise? Don't like it, huh?" she said sarcastically, wiped her tears from her cheeks away. "I know you would say that."

"Wha—? No, no—I just… confuse! You made me—"

"Let's just—make this like something called 'the heat of the moment' shall we? We did that years ago," she said emotionlessly.

"No, I—"

"Stop… Stop right there. Please just… stop okay." She pushed him off. Her face was wet.

"But Helga, I—"

He was cut off by her run away. She just couldn't hear the rejection through his sweet voice. It was… too hurt. Tears slipped through her cheeks. The sky darkened as the sun's gone. When six turned into seven in the evening, she cried her heart out in her room. It's been fifteen years she kept her feelings for none other than that football headed boy. And after fifteen years of waiting, what did she get? A painful confession, absolutely.

And after that confession, in the Monday, she saw a _beautiful_ little scene that made her wanted to ended her life. There he was, standing under the tree with his precious Lila, talking about something she couldn't hear. His face was hard and annoyed mixed with anger when he talked to that girl. Yes, they were dating for two months. But nowadays, they relationship was in trouble and weakened. They always fought everywhere, cursed each other when they had their uncountable fights.

Then, she saw him shaking Lila's shoulders angrily, trying to not to yell at his girlfriend. But Lila, the little sensitive doll, didn't accept this as she pushed him into the tree, yelled at him with her reddened face. Even Helga herself could hear the words she yelled of from about five meters.

"You shut your damn mouth up and just listen to me carefully! I definitely knew that yesterday you were going out with her, admit it! I knew you were going to kiss her full in that bitch's mouth and had a making out session and I SAW it you hear me!? Now, what you gonna say about that? Don't try to explain your mind, Arnold, you jerk! I know what's happening here!"

Arnold narrowed his eyes furiously as he grabbed her shoulders a little too tight. Helga could see Lila's wide eyes.

"YES I was there with her and don't you dare to forget that I had told you that we were done! I told you on Friday remember that! And I believe that we are now just nothing more than a, well, friends if I could include you in my friends' list. We were DONE, Lila, now you admit it!"

Helga narrowed her eyes when she saw Lila's welling eyes. Her lips trembled, Helga could tell that she was trying to hold back the tears. Arnold saw this; his eyes softened a bit and his body relaxed. But his aura still in anger. Lila was barely cried when they had their fights. But this one, she couldn't hold back her urge to cry. There, she cried violently. Helga closed her eyes, knowing too well what would happened next. When the noises was gone, she opened her eyes… which was welcomed by a heartbreaking scene of the kissing couple. That's why she hated Mondays.

It was four months ago, and she tried her best to avoiding him. Until now.

Now… She was here, in the edge of the street—ready to leave her past life and go. Her heart had chosen this way and she just need to through it. Besides, she would come back, wouldn't she? For this, she hadn't thought about yet. She just needed to go and rested her mind far from the cornflower haired boy. She sighed… Right then, she knew she was ready.

She stopped the current taxi in front of her, opened the doorknob slowly. She looked around and smiled weakly. She then entered the car, brought her past life with her broken heart and mind and all behind. She erased her lies, her mistakes, and her memories, just to set her newest self later. She closed her eyes tightly, dropped the last tears she had for this past life—and for a person she decided to left behind her past's dark shadows and never dare to touch her dreams about him again. She grabbed her chest, feeling really hurt in her heart. But then she knew, that it will gone when she left it. She let it there just to make her survive for now. Just for now.

She was already gone as the taxi drove her to the airport—to the new life. And she knew she could only miss her past life. Because she will never feel it again in the future. She just needed to miss them. Miss him.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, right there, in front of the old Sunset Arms, standing soundlessly, a boy who had lost his most important person in his life. He watched the black ashes and the blood and the broken locket. Tears burnt in his bright green eyes when he realized the thing he had lost. He was too late… She's already gone. He knelt on the ground, whispered some love and goodbye words in vain.

Unbeknownst of her, the person she loved the most was crying for her. He hummed the unlistenable words through his sob, just to make her knew. Wherever she was. He just wanted to say goodbye… But she wouldn't need that.

Because she wouldn't need him again.

It's his entire fault to never said those miracle words. He was so stupid to wait for her to say those words first. But he now knows that it wasn't the rule. He should've been the first to say that.

"I-I'm so-sorry, Helga," he whispered. "I love you. So much."

He realized, he was too late. And deep in his heart, although her best friend said that she would back, he knew—that she would _never_ come back again. For him.

* * *

**End of story…**

**My note:**

**How's that? I like this, but don't really. How about you? And, tell me about my grammatical errors. I really am sorry if that bother you! :(  
**

**I know this was not really sad and dark and stuff… But, lemme see your opinion!**

**REEEVIIIEEEEWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**V. Vichi L.**

**(spell: Vee Chee)  
**


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